Exposed!
by Sora-Chan The Brave And Random
Summary: What happens when one day, the cast of YuGiOh actually finds our happy fan fiction site? How will they react to the portrayals, the stereotypes, the PAIRINGS? Warning: Malik's near a window. Joey’s I.Q. test is in the mail. 1shot


Exposed!  
What happens when one day, the cast of Yu-Gi-Oh actually finds our happy fan fiction site? How will they react to the portrayals, the stereotypes, the PAIRINGS? Warning: Malik's near a window. Joey's I.Q. test is in the mail.  
**Warning!** Screaming humor, unconsciousness, and EVIL SETO KAIBA DEATH GLARES!  
**Serious warning:** Some of the ideas, I have actually seen! And mention of character bashing and Y, in case you don't like those...

* * *

Hello! Welcome to the ONE-SHOT OF MADNESS AND EVIL! CH475P34K F0R3V3R!!! 

Uh, sorry. Regressing. My therapy session is Thursday.

ANYWAY! Here is a lovely one-shot about how our favorite (and-not-so-favorite) band of characters might react if they caught a glimpse of what we're doing to their lives on this very site! I came up with this idea when me and my cousin were washing the dishes, and we were talking about a fanfic we had just read. The dishes never got finished. OH WELL!!

I think some people already did this idea before, but as they say, everyone has a different view of the same story! So, if this accidentally copies anybody's fic in any way, I swear to you, IT WAS NOT ON PURPOSE! Half the time I forget what I've read until I read it again, and then I go, "Oh! That's funny! I'll never forget that!...Hmm, what was I doing?" It's why my grades suck.

Anyway...

TO THE STORY!!

* * *

Once upon a time, in a magical land known as Domino City, a bunch of color-themed fairies were having a chat over coffee at a quaint little cafe. 

"...Did you read the lemon?" Green was asking.

"Yep. It wasn't all that great," Red replied, taking a sip of her jasmine tea.

Pink, the youngest, shook her head disdainfully. "Can you imagine what it would be like if the people who starred in those stories actually found out what the crazy authors and authoresses are doing to them?"

"They'd freak," Red replied matter-of-factly.

There was silence. Evil grins slowly appeared on the fairies' faces.

"Are you three thinking what I think I think you're thinking?" Orange, the oldest of the group, asked.

"Depends," Red replied.

"MISCHIEF TIME!" Green and Pink cheered, slapping a high-five.

* * *

So, the four color-themed fairies flew off the table--since they were all no bigger than a man's thumb, except for Orange, who was no bigger than a woman's thumb and the inch-long nail on top--and made their way to the one place where their evil scheme could begin in all its evil, sparkly glory. 

Where else? THE KAIBA RESIDENCE!!

(Insert 'dun-dun-dun' and fork of lightning here)

* * *

Mokuba Kaiba was happily surfing the web. However, as the time passed by, his happiness turned to boredom, and he began to type random words into Google just to try and find something interesting. 

"This is boring!" Mokuba complained, as his search for "psychos in training" turned up 7,023 matches.

Just then, the fairies flew through his window. Red, Green, and Pink hid next to the keyboard while Orange looked for a good distraction.

"I'm so bored...sigh..." Mokuba said, typing in "people who hate my big brother". He received 5,999,999,999 matches.

Orange Fairy finally found the perfect distraction. She flew over to the closet and opened it, and then flew inside and hit the play button on the hidden CD player.

"HEY! I'M A PONY, YOU'RE A PONY, WE'RE ALL PONIES, HEY, HEY! I'M A PONY, YOU'RE A PONY, WE'RE ALL PONIES, HEY, HEY! DO THE PONY DANCE (bump-ba-bump-bump) DO THE PONY DANCE (bump-ba-bump-bump) DANCE LIKE PONIES DANCE LIKE PONIES, HOLDIN' PHONE-EES, YEAH! YEAH!"

"GAAAH!" Mokuba screamed, jumping out of his chair. He ran to the closet as "The Pony Song" continued to blare.

"PONY, PONY, POOO-NY! PONY, PONY, POOO-NY! I'M A PONY, YOU'RE A PONY, WE'RE--"

Mokuba dive-bombed the CD player and threw it against the wall. The Pony Song stopped playing, and Mokuba's only outlet to play his collection of CDs was destroyed.

"Man, that was close!" Mokuba said as he headed back to his computer. Seto had always said the next time he heard "The Pony Song" he was going to use a flamethrower on Mokuba's CD player. Mokuba was glad he saved his CD player by, in effect, doing Seto's job for him, as he sat down at his desk. Then he frowned. Hadn't he left the search on "people who hate my big brother?" When had he typed in "fan?"

"Oh, well, whatever!" Mokuba said, hitting the enter key. "Must be another of those 'memory lapse' things the doctor mentioned!" He waited, until the search revealed its success.

_55,001 and counting,_ was the answer.

"Oh...kay..." Mokuba said uncertainly, scrolling down the list. Much to his surprise, the list wasn't compiled of different brands of ceiling fans, as he had suspected, but instead several sites leading to something called "fan fiction sites." Mokuba was kind of interested now, so he randomly scrolled down the list and clicked the first one his mouse fell on.

_Fanfiction dot net,_ the top of the screen said.

"Hmmm! What's this?" Mokuba thought out loud. He looked over his options, and finally clicked the "Anime" category. A big list popped up in front of him, separated into three collumns.

"Let's see here...Angelic Layer...Digimon...Gundam Wing...Princess Mononoke..." Mokuba read some of them aloud as he worked his way down the list. Then he saw "Yu-Gi-Oh" and stopped.

"Hey, cool!" Mokuba clicked the link, and piles of links with summaries popped up in front of him. Mokuba read the first one his eyes fell on.

* * *

Trapped In Love

Mokuba has been getting strong feelings for someone lately. But he doesn't know what to do with them. How can he tell anyone his secret...that he's in love with his own brother? MokubaxSeto warning: LEMON!

* * *

"OH MY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" Mokuba screamed, throwing his hands up in front of his face. The fairies hiding under the keyboard all snickered.

The door to Mokuba's room slammed open. "I just heard 'The Pony Song' and a bloodcurdling scream," Seto Kaiba stated as he walked in, gravity-defying trenchcoat following. "I can only assume that song has finally attempted to hijack your brain, as it has with mine."

"NO, NO! THAT'S NOT IT!" Mokuba cried, pointing at the screen with a shaking finger.

Seto headed over and looked at what Mokuba was looking at. "Fanfiction? What the heck is that?" Seto asked. He read the summary on the top of the page. However, since Mokuba had accidentally hit the mouse in the horror of his innocence being totally dented, the story at the top was now a different one.

* * *

_Good Dog_

_Seto has always pretended to hate Joey, but as time goes by he realizes his feeling for "the mutt". Can he ever reveal his secret to Joey? What will the gang think? SetoxJoey Y!_

_

* * *

_Seto stared. And stared. And stared. 

Mokuba, tired of waiting for a reaction, uncovered his face and read what Seto had just read. "WAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Mokuba screamed, falling backwards in his chair.

Seto flipped open his high-tech fancy-pants cell phone. "I hate to do it," he said as he hit the number 1, "but we need to call an emergency meeting."

The fairies snickered from under the modem.

* * *

MEANWHILE, WITH THE OTHER PEOPLE!

Yugi and Solomon were happily getting groceries at the grocery store. Yami was happily riding in the cart. They had just left when a giant floodlight pointed up at the clouds. Something was blocking a part of the floodlight, making the outline of the hem of a gravity-defying trenchcoat.

"Hey," Yugi said, looking up, "is that the 'get your pathetic butts to my super posh meeting room right now' signal Kaiba told us about?"

"I don't know," Yami said. "I rarely listen to him."

"I think it is," Yugi said. "We'd better get to his posh meeting room."

* * *

AND OTHERS!

Joey's forehead was prickled with sweat. This was it. If he made the wrong move, he and his sister would be done for. What could he do? He had instructions, but he had learned from past experience not to trust those people. They were deliberately leading him astray.

"Well..." Serenity said uncertainly.

"HERE GOES!" Joey cried. He stuck out his hand, and...

...Turned the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

"But Joey, the box says 400 degrees!" Serenity pointed out, holding up the box labeled _Betty Crocker's Fudge Brownies_.

"I know, but you remember how the fire department told us never to listen to the box agai--hey, isn't that Kaiba's weirdly-named signal?"

They looked through the window and saw the floodlight.

"Yeah, looks like it," Serenity said.

"TO THE MOPED!" they shouted in unison, grabbing their helmets and making a break for the door.

* * *

AND A BUNCH OF OTHERS!

Tea, Tristan, Ryou, Bakura, Marik, Malik, Mai, and Pegasus were all randomly having lunch together so I wouldn't have to waste time showing all of them seeing the Kaiba signal. Anyway, it showed up, they saw it, and they all jumped on or in or around their various forms of transportation and hightailed it to Seto's super posh meeting room.

* * *

AT SETO'S SUPER-POSH MEETING ROOM!

Seto paced slowly in front of a giant screen hooked up to the laptop Mokuba was on. All the designated characters were sitting in high-backed chairs around an oval-shaped table. Piles of printouts were in front of everyone's place.

"All right," Seto said. "I incredibly reluctantly called you all here because we have a serious problem with a website Mokuba found when he was, er...what's the term you used for it?"

"Googlewhacking," Mokuba replied matter-of-factly.

"...Yes," Seto went on, unwilling to use the term. "Now. You dimwits all see the papers in front of you. If you would all kindly turn over the first page, and Mokuba, bring it up on-screen..."

Mokuba typed a few things onto his laptop, and the list of stories on everyone's first page popped up on the giant screen.

There was silence for a moment. Then Yugi and Yami screamed horrifying, bloodcurdling, spine-cracking, mind-blowing, slightly girlish screams of terror. Yugi fell backwards in his chair, and Yami passed out on the table.

Yes, it was that awful.

* * *

Forbidden Love

Yami, a bloodthirsty vampire, meets Yugi, an orphaned kleptomaniac, in a society where vampires and humans are forbidden to know each other. But their love for one another is too strong. Can they break the boundaries to save their love? YxY LEMONS AND LIMES!

* * *

"Why are they mentioning citrus fruit?" Tea asked aloud.

"The answer to that is on the bottom of the page everyone is reading," Mokuba replied, typing again.

Everyone looked at the bottom, where "lemon" and "lime" were defined, by fanfiction standards.

"_Oh_..." Tea said.

Serenity let out a squeak.

"As you can see," Seto said, as Joey, who was sitting to Yami's left, tried to shake Yami awake, and Marik, who was sitting on Yugi's right, helped him up off the floor, "we have a serious problem. And don't think that Yugi and Yami are the only ones who have this little problem. We've come across several similar lemon-and-lime-themed stories that star myself and Mokuba, Yugi and Tea, Joey and Mai, Ryou and Bakura--"

"That's disgusting!" Bakura said, glaring at Ryou. Ryou shrank under his gaze.

"And...urgh...myself and the mutt."

Joey almost passed out at this.

"...Why?" was all Tristan could muster.

"We're still looking into that," Seto said.

"OHMYGOSH!" Ryou screamed suddenly.

"TURN TO PAGE TWO," Bakura said, sounding rather demonic.

Everyone turned to page two to see what was up.

* * *

_Love Forever And Always_

_Yugi and Ryou are in LOVE! But everyone says it's a bad idea. Don't let them sway you, Yugi and Ryou! Fight for your love! YxR LEMONY-LIMEY STUFF!_

_

* * *

_"This is like an epidemic," Mai commented as poor Ryou's eyes bugged out of his head and he started to choke. Yami revived just in time for Yugi to pass out. 

"My thoughts exactly," Seto said.

"However," Mokuba said, pulling up a different page on the big screen, "this isn't the worst of our problems."

Seto nodded. "The next issue we're going to cover is the stereotype stuff."

"Stereotypes?" Marik asked. "What stereotypes?"

"Turn to page five, everyone," Seto commanded.

"First, someone wake Yugi up!" Tea reminded.

* * *

AFTER SOMEONE DUMPED A GLASS OF WATER ON YUGI'S HEAD TO WAKE HIM UP...

"All right, _now _turn to page five," Seto said.

Everyone did that, some holding their breath. Yugi shook the water out of his hair as he turned to page five.

They all read in silence. Then Tea exploded. "WHAT!?" she screamed. "WHO THE HECK WROTE THIS PIECE OF CRAP?! I AM GOING TO FIND THEM AND HUNT THEM DOWN UNTIL--"

"Tea! Calm down!" Tristan, who was sitting to Tea's left, said worriedly.

Mokuba pulled up the summary in question on the big screen. Kaiba turned to examine it as someone handed Tea a glass of water to calm her down.

* * *

The Ultimate Revenge!

The gang is sick of Tea and her annoying friendship rants. So they finally get revenge! What do endless darts games, a tazer, arachidutyrophobia, and repeated on-purpose car accidents have to do with finally shutting Tea up? SEE INSIDE! WARNING: Major Tea bashing!

* * *

"What on earth does this 'bashing' term mean?" Pegasus asked. 

Mokuba typed a few times. "According to the Big Fat Online Fan Fiction Dictionary, the term 'bashing' goes something like this." He cleared his throat. "Bashing: verb. The actions of an author or authoress using severe physical humor and contemptible actions to place their least favorite character in an unflattering light." He waved a sheet of paper. "We printed up an excerpt from _The Ultimate Revenge! _on page six," he said.

Everyone flipped to page six while Mokuba put it up on the big screen.

* * *

_"Ah, friendship!" Tea said, skipping down the sidewalk with Joey, Yugi, and Tristan. "Friendship is friendly friendliness that friendly friends can hardly omit without being unfriendly! FRIENDFRIENDFRIENDFRIENDFRIEND--"_

_Suddenly a car came flying by and hit Tea. She got up, unhurt, just in time to be run over by a semi._

_"AAAAAAAAAAH! FRIENDS!" Tea screamed as an SUV ran her over. "HELP ME, YOUR ONLY FEMALE FRIEND!"_

_Another truck came by and ran her over._

_"Our _only_ female friend?" Yugi repeated. The guys looked at each other as a bike messenger ran Tea over. _

_"Let's call Mai up and she if she wants the job!" Tristan said._

_"Okay!" Yugi and Joey agreed. They linked arms and skipped off to school as a giant truck carrying other cars ran Tea over._

_"NO!" Tea screamed. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT!"_

* * *

Tea balled up page six and used it to hit Pegasus over the head. 

"OW! What was that for, Tea-girl?" Pegasus demanded.

"Because I don't like you," Tea said dangerously.

"The interesting thing is that it seems people like to bash Tea and Tristan most, from what we've gathered," Seto said. "Of course, that's when they mention Tristan at all. It seems he's the second most omitted character in all these stupid stories."

"Who's the most omitted?" Serenity asked.

"Odion."

"Is that why he didn't get invited to this meeting?" Marik asked.

Seto nodded. "Yep. He's being omitted again."

An angry-sounding noise came from Joey. "What is it, Joey?" Serenity asked.

"Did anyone see the story excerpt on the bottom of page five?" Joey asked.

There was a chorus of "Nope" "nah" "no, what did it say?" They all flipped back to page five.

* * *

Joey slammed into the wall. He turned and tried to get in the door and slammed into a telephone pole instead.

"Come on, Joey!" Yugi yelled from inside the house. "We don't have all day!"

"MARSHMALLOWS!" Joey screamed as he slammed into the telephone pole a second time. "THIS SKINNY MAN WON'T GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

Seto came out and smacked Joey across the face. "You're facing the wrong way, you pathetic excuse for a Homo sapien," he said.

"Mommy?" Joey asked, looking up endearingly at Seto.

Seto replied by beating him to a pulp for the third time.

"IT IS YOU, MOMMY!" Joey cheered.

* * *

"They're makin' me sound like a big, dumb idiot!" Joey said angrily. 

"Actually, that one I printed up for laughs," Seto commented.

"Well, it's not true!" Serenity said bravely in her brother's defense. "Joey's I.Q. test is coming in the mail, and the professor said it would be promising!"

"Hmm, that's interesting." Everyone turned to see Mai reading something on one of the other pages. "Not only do they seem to like making Joey look like a fool a lot, they seem to like making Seto a violent psychopath a lot."

Seto shifted, almost uncomfortably if that were possible. "That was one I had a slight problem with," he admitted.

"Hey, yeah," Marik jumped in, reading another page. "Let's see...Seto beats Joey up, Seto beats Ryou up, Seto beats Tristan up, Seto beats an innocent car up, Seto beats his chauffeur up, Seto beats his kindergarten teacher up, Seto beats a CD player up, Seto beats a clerk up, Seto beats a clown up, Seto beats a former pope--"

"Okay, we get it," Seto interrupted, giving Mokuba a "why-did-you-print-_those_-up?" look.

"And check out the fourth one on page seven," Yugi said. "It's more of those psychopath stereotypes!"

Everyone flipped to page seven while Mokuba pulled it up on the big screen.

* * *

A Day Off

Bakura and Malik are always spending their time either trying to destroy the planet, attempting to steal the Millennium Items, murder Yugi, or murder Yugi while trying to steal his Millennium Items in order to destroy the planet. So what happens when they're given a day off? Will they be able to do anything that doesn't involve murder, destruction, or theft?

* * *

"I resent that!" Bakura scowled. "I do not murder!" 

"Neither do I!" Malik added. "And I don't steal, or destroy!"

"Hey Malik," Marik said, "What if they--"

"NO I'M NOT LYING!" Malik panicked.

Marik looked stunned. "But I was just saying--"

"DESTROY THE EVIDENCE!!" Malik suddenly jumped from his chair, picked up Marik, chair and all, and heaved him out the floor-to-ceiling wall across from the giant TV screen. Marik screamed in horror as he fell.

Everyone stared at Malik with their mouths open.

"Um, can I go establish my alibi?" Malik asked.

Seto flipped open his fancy-pants phone. "I suppose putting the police on speed dial was a good idea after all," he commented.

Someone slammed the double doors open, and everyone turned in their chairs to see Ishizu, with one foot stuck out, indicating the way she had thrown open the doors. Marik was in her arms, bridal-style, clinging to her neck and shivering. Little pieces of glass were decorating his lovely lavender midriff tee.

"Who threw my brother out of a seventeen-story window?" Ishizu asked calmly.

All fingers pointed to Malik. "Sorry I forgot to invite you," Seto said in a not-so-sorry tone. "I just figured you'd know to come."

"It's a good thing I decided to," Ishizu said as she walked over to where Marik was sitting. She was dragging the chair behind her, and she plopped her brother down in it and pushed him under the table.

"SIT BETWEEN ME AND MALIK!" Marik screamed, not letting go of her neck.

"All right, then." Ishizu sat down in the chair that had been between Marik and Malik the whole time.

"Um, maybe we should break for lunch so everyone can calm down," Mokuba suggested.

* * *

AFTER THE LONG, CALMING LUNCH BREAK!

(from left to right, overhead view)

side 1: Serenity-Joey-Yami-Yugi-Marik-Ishizu-Malik

side 2: Mokuba-Tea-Tristan-Mai-Pegasus-Ryou-Bakura

(Seto is standing)

* * *

AFTER THE LONG, CALMING LUNCH BREAK AND THE POSTED SEATING CHART!

"All right," Seto said. "Now we can get back to--"

"Ishizu doesn't have a set of the printouts!" Mokuba pointed out.

"Oh. Whoops," Seto said.

* * *

AFTER THE LONG, CALMING LUNCH BREAK, THE POSTED SEATING CHART, AND GIVING ISHIZU A SET OF PRINTOUTS!

"Okay, then," Seto said, "Now we can--"

"I have to use the little boys' room!" Ryou said cheerfully, holding up his hand.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU GO DURING THE LUNCH BREAK?!" Seto demanded, tired of being interrupted. He shot a terrible death glare at the object of his misery and rage.

Ryou shrank back a bit. "I was...eating lunch," he offered apologetically.

Seto sighed in exasperation. "_Fine_."

"Yay!" Ryou jumped out of his chair and ran to the door marked "Little Boys' Room."

* * *

AFTER THE LONG, CALMING--YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST FORGET IT!

"Would anyone else like to interrupt and tick me off further?" Seto asked, sending a death glare sweeping across the room.

No one said a word.

"Good," Seto said, brushing imaginary dirt off his trenchcoat. "Now. Let's all turn to page eight and discuss the next item."

Everyone turned to page eight. They all read silently.

"Well? Any comments?" Seto asked.

There was a collective groan from all the boys in the room. "I hate stories like these!" Yami said.

"They're so unreal!" Joey added.

"And stupid!" Marik, who had calmed down during the lunch break, said.

"And I'm rarely in them!" Tristan put in.

"I don't have any kids!" Pegasus stated. "But according to these, I apparently have 27 and counting!"

"Who or what is 'Mary Sue'?" Serenity asked.

Mokuba typed again. "According to the Big Fat Online Fan Fiction Dictionary, a Mary Sue is...the general title for a character in a fan fiction story that is not a character from the original cast. Also known as an Original Character, or OC, Mary Sues have a tendency to be all-too-flattered stars of their stories. In example, a Mary Sue is very often very good-looking, has a superhuman talent, or has the most desired character of the cast fall in love with them."

"I think this applies then," Mai said. "Listen to this."

* * *

Time Warp!

My name is Jessica, and one day I'm dueling my annoying cousin when I get sucked into the world of Yu-Gi-Oh! I suddenly have to help the gang defeat their newest enemy...while fighting the feelings in my heart! Yami likes me, but do I like him? (warning: Mary Sue)

* * *

"That's on page nine, isn't it?" Pegasus said, flipping to page nine. 

"It comes with an excerpt, too!" Tea added. "It's on page ten!"

* * *

"Jessica," Yami said slowly, "there's something I've been wanting to tell you..."

"Hmm?" I was slurping up ramen like the dickens, so I couldn't reply with words.

Yami sighed, looking embarrassed. "Listen," he said. "When you first showed up, I didn't really like you hanging around. But now...my feelings have changed."

I swallowed, feeling heat rising to my cheeks. Was this it? Was Yami finally going to confess his love to me? "What do you mean?" I asked, trying to sound normal.

"What I'm saying," Yami said, looking directly into my eyes, "is that I--

* * *

"I CAN'T READ ANYMORE!" Yami screamed, tearing page nine in half. 

Bakura resisted a laugh.

"That's not the worst one," Yugi said, flipping through a couple of pages. "There's a bunch like these, and the girls are falling in love with just about every guy on the cast! Joey, me, Seto, Marik--"

"Except Pegasus," Ishizu pointed out. "Look at the one on page eleven."

* * *

Secrets

Dianna is new to Domino City, and when she becomes friends with the Yu-Gi-Oh gang, she thinks she has it made. But suddenly, letters start to arrive, letters that threaten her very existence. Will her friends still want to be her friends when they find out she is...Pegasus's DAUGHTER??? (OC)

* * *

"Yeah, all of the ones with Pegasus and Mary Sues are like that," Tristan commented. 

"I can assure you all people, I have no kids," Pegasus grumbled as he read another excerpt about him being the secret father of triplets. He folded page eleven over and over until it was a tiny square and flicked it across the table in disgust.

Joey quickly held up his thumbs and index fingers in L shapes and put the thumbs together. The paper sailed through.

"TOUCHDOWN!" Pegasus cheered, momentarily getting into it.

Everyone else folded up their page elevens and flicked them in the general direction of Joey's "goal". Everyone except for Bakura, Mokuba, and Mai missed. The missing paper footballs got lodged in Joey's hair, teeth, clothes, and eye.

"AHHHH! MY EYE!" Joey screamed, slapping his hands over his face.

"Can we move on?" Seto snapped.

* * *

AFTER SERENITY AND YAMI SURGICALLY REMOVED ALL THE PAPER FROM JOEY'S PERSON...

"All right," Seto said. "The last item we're going to cover before I painfully throw all of you out the door by your pants, or miniskirts, whatever, is the OOC...ness."

"What's that?" Ryou asked on cue, just getting back from the Little Boys' Room.

Seto nodded to Mokuba, who typed on his keyboard again. "And now we'll check the Big Fat Online Fan Fiction Dictionary...aha! OOC: look under _Out Of Character_." Mokuba typed for a few more seconds. "Okay...aha part two! Out Of Character: noun, verb, something in-between. Actions or portrayals that do not fit the generally known description of a character's personality. For example: a well-known quiet and shy character acting loud and angry in a story."

"For more personal example," Seto said. "Yugi acting like a big fat weakling for every single chapter."

"What?" Yugi asked, confused.

"Page thirteen, everyone!" Mokuba announced.

Everyone flipped to page thirteen as Mokuba pulled the desired summary up on-screen.

* * *

Home Alone

Yugi lives with an abusive father and doesn't know how to get out. He meets Yami at school, a headstrong, rebellious teenager, who may be Yugi's only hope of escape.

* * *

"Well, that's just plain silly!" Yugi protested. "I don't have abusive--"

"Or constantly hang out in a fetal position, or tremble uncontrollably half the time, or not trust a single living soul..." Yami read aloud from the list of summaries on page thirteen.

Yugi slapped page thirteen down. "They're making me sound like some defenseless baby!" he exclaimed. "I know how to take care of myself, and I don't need the entire main cast, plus half the supporting cast, to help me struggle through life!"

"...or flinch whenever someone touches you, or cry at the drop of a hat, or take beatings from anyone with a fist..." Yami read on.

"It's not just Yugi," Tea said, reading page fourteen. "They're portraying Ryou and Serenity the same way in some of these other stories!"

"Where do people get the idea that I'm so weak?" Serenity wondered aloud, sounding distressed.

Mai leafed through some pages. "It looks like in some of these stories they'll shrink whoever it is to little-kid age to make them more defenseless and weak," she commented.

Yugi handed his page thirteen to Yami, who happily tore it into confetti-like strips and sprinkled it over Joey's head.

"Will you people stop destroying paper in here?" Seto snapped.

"Yeah!" Mokuba said, whipping out a big black contraption and thumping it on the table. "We have a shredder!"

Without a word, everyone crawled onto the table to reach the shredder and stuffed their papers in, one at a time. Mokuba then took the full shredder, walked it over to the broken window Marik had been tossed out of, and dropped it.

"Well, now that we have this information," Mai said, "what do we do with it?"

They all looked at each other.

"A protest?" Serenity suggested.

"A complaint?" Tristan tried.

"Surrendering to the man?" Marik guessed.

"Actually, I'm kind of thirsty," Yami said. He glared when Joey and Yugi edged away from him. "Not in the _vampire_ sense, geez. Let's just go home."

There was a chorus of "Okay" "sure, whatever" "all right, fine" as everyone left the building, leaving Mokuba and Seto in the room.

"So, big brother," Mokuba said, "what _do_ we do with this information?"

"There's only one plausible thing I can think of," Seto said.

Mokuba raised his eyebrows as a prompt.

"_Blackmail_," Seto said with an evil grin.

* * *

BACK AT THE CAFE PLACE!

"Well, wasn't that fun?" Orange asked.

"Pretty much," Red replied.

"DO YOU EVER DO ANYTHING BUT REPLY?!" Green snapped at her in exasperation.

"When I want to," Red replied.

Green anime-fell.

Pink took a sip of her green tea. "Now that we've had our fun, who do we torture next?"

Orange put her finger to her chin. "I've got it," she said, snapping her fingers. "Girls, we're off to the Pokémon dimension. I hear there's an area for them on FanFiction dot net also."

"YAY!" the other fairies cheered, and they disappeared in a puff of sparkly fog, off to wreak havoc on the Pokémon characters. And there was only one place where they could do just that.

PROFESSOR OAK'S LAB!

(Insert 'dun-dun-dun' and fork of lightning here)

END!

* * *

By the way, I don't own color-themed fairies, super-posh meeting rooms, Betty Crocker, fudge brownies, mopeds, or googlewhacking. 

Well? WHAT DID YOU THINK?? Yes, the four color-themed fairies were me and my friends. We're kind of random like that.

BEFORE YOU GO...while I was having my story proofread, my gangly-type proofreader said that I might offend some people by poking fun at these well-used ideas. Let me assure you, I AM NOT MAKING FUN OF YOU! I've used these ideas several times before, and I plan to use some of them again, so if I were making fun, I'd be included! I just thought it might be funny to see how they might react to our most commonly used ideas...

Anyway, review and tell me what you think!


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